the heart of life

the question is: where do i begin? it amazes me how on a day-to-day basis i feel like life and time are just dragging along, but a mere 17 days makes time feel like it suddenly grew massive wings to allow it to fly by. time is a phenomenon and that's all there is to it. well, that, and that fact that i am an incredibly blessed human being.

at the very moment why my dad and his motorcycle ran smack into the side of an 86 year old woman's land barge one of my worst fears in life became a reality. it's always been in the back of my mind when my dad would drive off on his bike: what if he gets in a wreck, what if he never comes home? for days i kept seeing my dad bouncing off the back of the woman's trunk and rolling to a dead stop in the middle of the busy Knox Abbot intersection. praise God he's alive. life and the world tell me that my dad should have died or at least have been injured so seriously that we thought he might have died, but the Lord said it wasn't his time. my dad is bruised on his chest and has pain there (and some serious pain killers that he refuses to take), and he has a baby little scrape on his knuckles. that's it. not one broken bone. it wasn't his time. it's not his time. i've never dropped to my knees to praise the Lord like i did last monday. i bowed myself completely in the middle of my dorm floor, all alone, and i sobbed praises to my merciful God. i should do that on the days when my dad isn't almost killed- i should do that more often.

this past weekend i was in Tennessee with my aunt, uncle and sister. we shopped, we ate, we watched football and we came home. it was a wonderful time and i'm so blessed to have an aunt and uncle who are not only capable but are more than willing to spoil me. my favorite part, though, wasn't the shopping and the sweaters and skirt, it wasn't the good food or the tailgating, it wasn't the football game that we should have won, and it wasn't even the time i got to spend with some of my favorite family members. my favorite part was seeing the cold, bold full moon of Friday night with the crisp Tennessee air surrounding me, and the way the reds and yellows looked with the greens in the trees. it's the way i feel when i'm in a sweater and can see my breath and how the mountains look blue against the horizon. that's what i loved about this weekend. this is our time of year.

we've had many "dates," but we never really call them "dates." if i had to speak of dates though, i'd say last night was definitely top 5. i remember our first real date. it was months after the Lord started growing our love, but it was the right time for a "real date." it was cold. i wore my coat and scarf and my boots and he wore his scarf. there was the zoo and the lights. my best friend and the one she loves. then there was dessert surrounded by art and the glare of car lights as they passed by on the city street. then we walked. we tooled around downtown like we belonged: it was us and the cold night and we rejoiced in our love. it was wonderful. of course there was prom and there was that night right before he left for Charleston and i left for the Caribbean.there have been nights of football games and starry fields. we've had many Monday night date nights with parks, picnics, dessert and dance. last night was special though. it was a Monday night date night with daisies, apple pie, a walk in the park, sweaters and loafers, new glasses and target. there have been days when i thought man what if he surprised me with flowers- i've never gotten flowers on those days and i didn't deserve them. yesterday, he knocked me off my feet and drew a few tears. i stepped off of the elevator and there he stood with a bouquet of my favorite flowers. they're not my favorite because they're the prettiest- i love tulips and orchids and lilies- no, they're my favorite because they're the "girl-next-door" of flowers, kind of like me. i'm really bad about spoiling surprises for myself. if i have a chance to guess i'll usually guess, but flowers never crossed my mind and that, my friend, is the very best surprise.

i want the people i love to be happy and fulfilled. this grips me more than i can say. i'll do whatever i can to help ensure this.